I Quit My Job During a Pandemic & I Couldn’t Be Happier
2020 was supposed to be a year of growth, reinventing yourself, and living your best life. Everyone I knew around me was counting on this year to be the decade where everything started to fall into place as we went from our 20s to our 30s. Boy, were we wrong.
Needless to say, we’re living in textbook times —nothing is going to plan. Futures became uncertain, five-year plans disintegrated before our eyes, and people are losing loved ones, terrified to even go to the grocery store because disease very well could be around every aisle or every bottle of ketchup. Not to mention the police brutality protests that have been a long time coming, but I digress.
Where was I when this all started? I was working at a small, but very popular podcast and radio show as the producer. It’s a field I love, work I love, and I was pretty damn good at it. The problem? This particular place of work began to severely diminish my mental health. So much so, that I — the once laidback, put together, and strong willed person I was — began to crumble day by day. I was doing the work of four people, working long hours, and feeling like I wasn’t being taken seriously or appreciated enough for my efforts. I even began therapy because of it all, although I’m entirely grateful for that part.
In fact, right before this pandemic hit, I was at my wits’ end and decided that after four and a half long years, my time at my current place of work was up. I got my resume in order and I was giddy at the thought of furthering my career elsewhere. Then, the stay-at-home orders began. The light at the end of the tunnel that was once brightening began to dim.
Working from home at a job that causes you never-ending anxiety was hell. Even the simplest of things sent me spiraling in despair. I started micro-dosing my mental breakdowns because if I had a full one, I wasn’t sure I’d ever come out of it. Along with feeling severely stuck, I felt immense guilt. So many people around the world were losing their jobs, their homes, and their livelihoods. Then there was me, pouting because I was so unhappy at my well-paid gig where I had complete security. So, I tried to stick it out.
It turned out to be more difficult than I ever thought possible. I couldn’t lead a team that I no longer believed in, I couldn’t be the person to keep everyone motivated and happy when I was the exact opposite. I heard myself become increasingly “fed up” on every work call. In fact, other coworkers could hear it in my voice that I just wasn’t myself anymore.
I felt defeated; like a failure. After thinking about it for awhile amidst crying fits of depression, I decided it was time for me to leave. I couldn’t keep thinking about how others were looking for work, how people would kill to be in the position I was in, or what it meant for the other people I worked with — this had to be a decision where the only factor was what I needed. And I needed to leave.
So, I made the call. I ended it, almost like it was a romantic relationship. We both knew it wasn’t working out, but neither one wanted to make the move because it was just too comfortable. The cycle remained, and as unhealthy as it was, it remained a continuous circle. I knew I had to break it, and honestly, my boss wasn’t entirely surprised. They knew I was unhappy, yet weren’t able to make the necessary changes to get things back to a healthier place. No hard feelings.
From the moment I gave my notice, I felt like the entire world had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt light, free, and most importantly, like I had my actual self back. That I could actually breathe and feel happy again.
Although things are still so uncertain, and the world seems to be getting worse with each passing day, I made one of the most courageous moves I’ve ever done. I haven’t looked back.
I know there are a myriad of people who hate their jobs, who are miserable, staying up as late as possible at night because the thought of waking up and going to work again fills them with the utmost disdain. And, many people need an income, so they’re stuck in the same, crushing and monotonous routine until something better comes along. The thing is, sometimes you have to make something better happen for yourself.
Don’t let the judgement of leaving a job stop you from taking care of your mental health. More often than not, we don’t take care of our mental state because at least it’s something familiar and stable. But how stable can it be when your mind is becoming unstable?
There are so many success stories from people who took a leap of faith, to change their entire career in their 30s, 40s, even 50s. It’s never too late to make that jump. So, jump before you fall.
